Do I Wanna Know
by BladeAuror
Summary: Amazing how love can make you blind. AU and very OOC. I know, I've reposted this thousands of times, I'm so sorry. Again.


_'What must it feel like? For someone to love you back. Not having to imagine everything 'cause your love is reciprocated.'_

Yeasturday she had heard a music that made her cry. It actually reminded her of him, it reminded her of the fact that even when she said she was not going to run after him she'd always go back. Hermione couldn't fall for someone new, not when he was there, at the back of her mind disturbing her thoughts, her memories, her feelings.

Sometimes she wondered if he felt the same. '_Do I even wanna know? If this feelings disturb you the same way they disturb me? If this agony affects you the same way it affects me?'_she thought.

At night, when she got back to his bed it was wonderful, even if she felt disgusted with herself for coming back every single time he called her with hopes that it might not be just for the night.

After, when he was already gone for work and Hermione was left alone with only the smell to remind her, she promised herself it was the last time. she thought that even if he didn't felt the same, at least she could have a bit of himself for her, just to remind her that she was not alone and although she was sad and he didn't feel the same, She knew that at least he cared for her.

Her parents died. She got drunk and thinking about every horrible thing that existed in the world, that made her sad, all the things that had already happened to her, the torture she endured, the hate she suffered and in the meanwhile Hermione cut her wrists. When she looked at the blood seeping off her skin she felt like she was floating. _'Maybe that's because your blood is running out of you, idiot'_ her mind thought. She wanted to move but didn't have the strength.

_'Soon I'm going to leave you and wont be coming back anymore'_ she thought. She wanted to thank him, for what she didn't know, the sex maybe. It really was great, because as she said before, even if he didn't feel the same way she did, Hermione had this little piece of him that she stole and put away in her memories. _'You don't know if he didn't love you'_ her mind interrupted again, she wavered those thoughts away.

The pain sobered her thoughts and Hermione knew she was going to die. She didn't want to die, but continue to live the way she was living was not very good either, so Hermione guessed she was just going to stay there watching her blood against the white floor of the kitchen.

She was remembering the times she made him laugh. It was a beautiful sound. _'Just as everything he has_' she thought. His eyes, kind and full of laughter looking right at her, leaning on her hipbones with a smile on his face.

That tension always lying beneath the surface for when they looked in each other's eyes she saw what they could be and thus her heart bit accelerated and her breath got shallow. Unfortunately, she was too much of a coward and it never got past that phase.

She went home and never saw him again. After some time she forgot the color of his eyes and the sound of his laughter, the only way to talk to him were the letters. Hermione wrote him almost every day, Fred sent back a letter of his own once in a week, and she felt that even if they could have had anything, the time for that had passed.

Hermione quit writing him for some time, told herself it wasn't worth it, he didn't feel the same, tried to meet new people, but they weren't Fred, they didn't have the pronounced cheekbones, the marked jaw or his eyes, those eyes she couldn't make out the color anymore. But most importantly, they did not have his laugh, and even if she didn't remind that sound anymore Hermione knew it was wrong.

After little time she got bored.

One day Fred appeared at her doorstep and to say Hermione was surprised was an understatement. She was there, frozen with a stupid look on her face staring at him and he laughed. Yes, _he laughed_. Right there Hermione new she could never forget him for Fred would always be on her mind. His laughter would be on her mind.

Fred said he needed a place to stay just for a little while, for he were in town for some business and her desperate self said it was no problem, that he could stay as long as he wanted.

They went out that same night and got drunk. How obvious.

The tension came back and again they found themselves at a deadlock. Stay stuck or go ahead? Her mind screamed to stay stuck but her body had a different idea. Hermione kissed him hard on the lips with all the passion, all the lust she felt and he responded in kind. Stumbling and laughing they got home, fumbled with the keys after a while of trying and not succeeding they finally got inside.

Hermione didn't even had the time to think, he was already kissing her again, their tongues dancing with each other in frenzy. His hands were everywhere and when they found a spot at her neck that made Hermione shiver, she felt him smirk. He stopped kissing her mouth and went for her neck, she felt her legs tremble and when Fred bit her. She moaned. As she couldn't stay straight anymore because of his attentions he pressed her against the wall and continued to assault her neck and collarbones. He pressed his hips on hers and she moaned again, He took one of her legs on his hands and soon she had them wrapped around him. One of his hands went under her shirt and lightly touched her nipple while the other rested on her hips. She bucked against him and Fred groaned biting down her flesh.

He took his hand off her breasts and started roaming down, caressing everything in his path until he was at her knickers, his fingers started to draw circles on her hipbones and Hermione shuddered, his hand slowly passed on the hem of her knickers and slipped inside them, he cupped her lightly and she gasped. He started to draw slow circles on her clit hat sent shocks though her whole body and her hips started to trust against his hand.

'You're so wet, is it because of me?' he said in a husky voice. Fred pushed a finger inside Hermione and she moaned loudly, he started to pump in a steady rhythm, sometimes curling his fingers against her walls or stretching them, but after a while, she was panting and wanted more.

''Please" Hermione begged.

''Please what? Please, put your cock inside me? Say it, I want to hear you say it'' he said.

''Please, put you cock inside me, fuck me against this wall, I want you'' she whispered against his ear. He groaned again and pushed his pants off. He guided his dick to her opening and pushed all the way inside of her. They both moaned at the sensation it caused.

"God, you're so tight, you feel so good around me." He gasped. Fred started to pump in and out of her in a slow pace, taking his cock almost all the way out and then slamming back inside her. He touched a spot that made her scream and her walls contract, he groaned and started to push harder. He could feel his control slipping off and when she bit his neck whispering encouragements he finally lost it.

Fred slid out of her and started to push her in the direction of the table. He turned her around. "Bend over the desk" He said and after giving him a smirk, she did it slowly as if to provoke him. He immediately pushed inside of her and started to pound into her in a hard rhythm.

"Oh God" she screamed, she had wanted this for so long.

"Almost love, it's Fred" He gave a strained laugh while still thrusting into her, he could feel she was close.

He leaned in her direction and whispered "Come for me love, let go, I can feel you're close" two more thrusts and she came, her walls trembling around him, grasping his member tightly and he couldn't take it anymore. He continued to pound her hard and fast and after a few more thrusts he came grunting her name.

_'But this is all just a memory and he never loved me anyway_' she thought as consciousness started to slip away from her. Just as she was about to black out she saw a flash of red hair and a heard a muttered curse.

* * *

When Hermione woke up, she was at a hospital. She looked at her side and saw Fred staring at her with a grave face. It was disturbing to see him wearing a serious expression. _'Well, shit' _she thought.

"Why?" He asked. She knew what he meant but decided to ignore it.

"Because my parents died." Hermione said.

He made a face and said "That's not just it, you're not the kind of person who simply gives up on life, there's something more, why didn't you tell me you were depressed?"

She sat there staring at this face with a dead expression. "Would you care?" She asked with a cynic tone. He hated that tone on her voice. Fred had noticed she was more and more sad each time he went to her house, but every time he brought the subject up, she brushed it off as work problems. He never believed, but didn't want to push it in case she got mad with him.

He was planning on facing her when he got to her house, but found it was already too late, or at least that was what his panicked brain thought when he saw her lying on the floor, with sliced wrists and a pool of blood around her body.

"Of curse I would care, what do you think I would feel upon coming to your house to finally confront you about this and find you almost dead on the kitchen floor?" He was desperate for her to see that he cared, that he loved her "I love you, do you have any idea how much? I just want to help you to overcome this depression, this inferiority complex you have, but you refuse, you continue to wallow in self pity and think that nobody could love you, that I don't love you." He paused for a moment "You need help, not just mine, but medic help, please accept it" He begged.

Hermione didn't know what to think of this. A lot of feelings came crushing her at that moment, and with them a lot of questions. He loved her? How could he? She wasn't enough. But that was a lie, the logic side of her brain replied, she was enough, she was clever, she made him laugh, she was pretty (yes, she thought herself pretty), she was loyal and a hard worker. Hermione knew she needed help, professional help, she just never got the initiative to look for it, she didn't even have the energy for it. When her medication ended she thought she was fine, that she wouldn't need it anymore, but in the end she started to sink again.

As she looked at his face, upon his expressive eyes, she saw what she had been ignoring for a long time. There was agony there was pain... and in addition, there was love.

She always prided herself in reading people, how could she not have seen this before? 'Well, I guess I was too busy depressing and putting myself down' She thought. She finally came to a conclusion, Hermione knew she had a hard path ahead, but she was willing to do it, to get better.

"I'm sorry," She said "I'm really, really sorry for not seeing this before," When she saw he was going to protest she continued "I'm going to try and get better, I promise, I'm not saying it will be easy, but I'm willing to try, I didn't really want to die you know? It's just that it was too much, my brain saying you didn't love me, my parents death, my dysthymia..." She trailed off.

"Hey, I'm here ok? We're going to get trough this" He said as he touched her hand and got up from his chair. He gave her a soft smile and kissed her brow.

"I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too."


End file.
